Finding Balance in Uncertain Times
I’m overwhelmed. For days, I’ve been trying to think, but my mind is blank. My family is facing housing insecurity this Friday, and despite my best efforts, I feel like I’m failing. It’s hard because I have deep desires—things I feel called to do—yet I constantly feel like I’m falling short. No matter how much time, energy, or money I invest, failure seems to be my only outcome. I can’t take care of my family, I can’t take care of myself, and I can’t secure our housing. I lack the energy to pursue my goals, constantly running around with nothing to show for it. It’s incredibly disheartening. Compliments from others fall on deaf ears because what they see and what I feel are two vastly different experiences. All I feel is failure.
Get A Job
Recently, Tabitha Brown faced criticism for suggesting that people pursuing their dreams should “get a job.” I believe her statement was taken out of context; she was likely speaking to the harsh realities of our current economy. I recently watched a TikTok video where the creator broke down the expensive choices poverty forces upon us. There are no good options when you are poor. Even a family with two full-time working parents and two children can still run a $6,000 monthly deficit. The creator explored three options: increasing income, cutting expenses, or accruing debt (through credit cards) to close the gap. Even a combination of all three wouldn’t eliminate the monthly deficit. This scenario was specific to Vallejo, California—a city that has experienced bankruptcy, with no industry or business district, primarily residential, and few shopping centers. This isn’t a critique of Vallejo, just an observation. It simply illustrates today’s economic reality. You can make all the “right” financial decisions and still struggle to make ends meet each month. While I truly believe in pursuing passion projects, I also agree with the pragmatism of having daily meals and a clean, safe place to sleep. How do we find that balance? This economy isn’t built for all of us to chase our dreams.
In Historical Context
The American Constitution, formally ratified in 1788, is what truly established the United States as a nation-state as we understand the concept today. While we celebrate our official breakup with England 250 years ago next year, we didn’t truly become “united” until 1788. Twelve years of capitalism, built on enslaved labor and justified by (Christian white men) dehumanizing all other races with no federal oversight, was just enough time for early Americans to convince themselves they had discovered the key to national success.
They used the language of freedom to build and expand on a mindset of exploitation. It’s quite ingenious.
Is it possible to exist in this country divorced from its economy? I don’t have the answer to that question, but I know it’s exhausting trying to do so. The truth is, as Ruth Wilson Gilmore said, “there is no ‘good capitalism’.” Capitalism means private ownership over the means of production (and intellectual property, as we understand it in this country). Private ownership depends on people doing the right thing, but money is too good for that.
So what do we do?
So, we need to strike a balance we can live with. More and more people in my circle are talking about conscious consumerism, whether they call it that or not. Just about everyone I know has canceled Disney+ (seriously breaking my heart right now) over Jimmy Kimmel. I am absolutely on board with that. Our money talks, and our purchasing decisions elicit responses. We need to keep sending clear messages with our wallets and our votes.
However, as the Epstein files debacle is showing us, money is no longer the sole motivator for these titans of industry. They trade in people, quite literally. Just like the framers of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. People, or rather the types of labor they can perform, have always been the real capital powering our economic machine. And 45-47 is doing everything he can to erase that link through censorship at every level—from national parks and museums down to late-night television shows. Trump and his followers are doing everything they can to make the current state of things either appear perfectly normal or the fault of the all-powerful ‘left.’
I can’t offer advice right now. I have no suggestions other than this: be true to what you value, but also, be absolutely sure you know what you value. We are very much in a growing militarized authoritarian state. The values America once purported are disappearing each week, and that is no exaggeration for anyone paying attention. We must define our values clearly moving forward because our national values are clearly changing. If you’ve ever wondered what the climate of Germany must have felt like before Hitler took power…we are here.
This week marks the preparation for my inaugural Oakland pilot workshop. My research at AAMLO is ongoing, though I’ll soon be transitioning to the Oakland History Center. A lingering desire to revisit OMCA might also be fulfilled this week. With the historical figures for my maps now selected, I can focus on their specific local contexts. This intensive research—hundreds of hours dedicated to bringing an idea to life—is the unseen labor of an artist, and it is my passion. I have no intention of abandoning it. My work, this project, is the only way my brain could cope with my economic reality. This invisible unpaid work is how I actively express my frustration, intentionally explore my options, and tangibly empower Black women in my community.
Each day presents a challenge to balance this passion with practicalities, guided by my core values: express, explore, empower.
What about you?
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